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soyboi’s Video for “3pm” Addresses the Struggle with Depression

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soyboi is an anonymous artist who wants to write about things he’s passionate about, without exposing the people he loves. He seeks to reduce the stigma around mental health — especially, but not exclusive, towards men.

“im an anonymous artist who wants to write about things im passionate about, without exposing the people i love” How do your family and friends feel about your concern for exposing them?

Most of them don’t even know about it — but, the people I do tell about this project have been very respectful and appreciative of the anonymity.

“3pm”. What is the significance of that time of day?

I used to work really late into the night at one of my jobs. Often I would get home, sleep, and I kept finding myself hitting the snooze button until around 3pm. At first, I just thought I was catching up on sleep. But eventually I realized I was trying to run away from my problems. It was a pretty rough bout of depression I had to pull myself out from. I remember feeling shame because I would get these texts and calls from people that I’d miss because I was sleeping. I didn’t want to admit I had slept in until that late. I wanted to write a song about how depression can show itself in many forms — both to help people who might struggle with it to wake up and realize maybe they should change up the routine, and for the friends of those people to help recognize the signs of someone struggling.

“who i am doesn’t matter. what i do does. would you be more open and honest if you didn’t have to worry about what people thought?” What do you say to people who feel to truly understand why a person does something they need to know more about that individual?

I mean, I’d agree with them. I’m of the strong opinion that if we all went to therapy and found a good therapist that vibed well with us, crime would be almost non-existent. We’d all realize that there’s so much more to every person we see. And instead of getting angry with someone for any action they might take, we might be more inclined to want to understand, instead of condemn.

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‘spiritual vicodin’. Interesting take on dealing with the pain within — what message do you want listeners to take away on how to accept, own, and deal with pain naturally?

I think a lot of people process pain differently. For me, most of the time, it’s running away from it. But, I realized that the more I’d run away, the more I’d run away from the good things too. I’d feel less happiness and more anxiety. Pain is interesting because almost no one wants to feel pain. So it’s natural to try to find ways to not deal with it. One thing that has helped me a lot is stepping back and realizing these two things:

1. I have survived 100% of the things I’ve gone through so far

2. Things are almost never as bad as I’m worried they’ll be.

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soyboi. Taking a term meant as an insult and making it one of acceptance is a unique starting point for conversation. Was there one event or a generalized feeling that led you to take this name?

I think it was a lot of little things. I first heard the term a few years ago and, honestly, I didn’t know what it meant. It was curiosity that lead me to doing some research on it, and then wondering why it was considered an insult. I think a lot of people growing up might have called me a soyboy (or the way I spell it, soyboi). But I don’t feel shame for wanting to communicate or for crying at sad movies. I certainly don’t feel any remorse for going to therapy and getting help. In fact, I think that was one of the best decisions I’ve made. I want to turn that name from an insult to a compliment. It takes real courage to open up and be vulnerable. We should celebrate that!

Music heals. Do you have a playlist for listeners dealing with mental health issues?

I do! I’ll link to it here. I’d also like to think that as my new songs come out, they’ll be a playlist of sorts for those dealing with mental health issues.

Dreaming. Working through mental health issues involves being able, in part, to cope with the reality of circumstances you can’t control. How can dreams help people work out situations they are uncomfortable with?

Dreaming can potentially be dangerous if we learn to live in the dream. It’s a form of escape. But the sooner one can accept their reality, the sooner they can change it and make it better. Visualization — another form of dreaming — has the potential to help you get past those hurtful situations. I think if you find yourself in a situation like presented in “3pm” I’d recommend reaching out and trying to find a therapist. I promise it will make your life so much better.

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Talking. How can people find local resources — therapist, counselor, psychologist support groups?

The first five minutes of just googling and trying to find information can be daunting. But after you start, I think you’ll find it is not impossible — just tedious. There are plenty of websites that can help connect you with an affordable therapist. They vary by state. Better Help is a decent resource. I personally found my therapist through Psychology Today. They have an extensive list of therapists in your area. The next step would be to research what each therapist specializes in figuring out if those methods or specialties could be effective for you. I promise you it’s not impossible. You can do it, and your life will be better for it.

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